The Day I Stopped Loving Her
Then all you need is to count the last minute to arise
And give a beginning to a new day.
But I never saw what is left behind.
I never saw that with the last minute what I am forgetting.
And then it felt like it has happened before. Just before I saw her entering in my class sitting on the bench right in front of mine but trying to ignore me or may be trying to notice each and everything.
Thinking that I’m just a guy who has a crush on her or maybe I’m different
And that is when your clock is going to stop with the possibility you can never find the answer of which is “maybe”
It is the possibility of that last minute that will confuse you when you have to be clear for that very moment.
That will stop you from taking the decision.
That will ask you that or this.
And believe me or not you are always going to be stuck in that situation.
And that is where I was. Just when in life I had to be clear for once to take the most important decision I was confused, confused to my very core.
As if I have already experienced all the possibilities that is about to affect the outcome of my life that when, exactly when on my deathbed I’m going to ask myself the question that why I chose that. And the funny part is that is the end of both the options.
Yes, that happens with everyone now and then; it’s just like counting the infinite collection of stars. Sometimes you just miss a one or a two and you end in messing up the whole counting. Yes, it is frustrating. Of course, it’s going to be frustrating because you just find out that you have wasted all this time in doing a job which has already been messed you a long time ago. Then what should you do, to make it right. Without wasting much more time, doing the whole job all over again.
Let me tell you what you can do. Just rewind your life and go back to the stop where you left those two stars. I know that is not possible. But let me tell you it is.
Start from the easiest mistakes that you did. The easiest will find you all the way home.
Well that is what life actually is. To find out what you have done wrong. What was your mistake on the first place and what you can do to make it right? Because life is all about mistakes. And these mistakes make you a better person. But only if you find how to make it right.
Don't be afraid from your mistake. Because they make you what you are today.
Well yes, it’s going to be different. But that is what you always expected to be isn't it. It’s easy to change each and every possible thing that you think is going to come into your way. And when the outcome is not familiar you just wish it to be the same so that you can make it work for you. You just can’t run to your past just because it’s familiar. You have lived it already. Maybe it makes you think that it was the best thing that has ever happened to you or maybe thing that made you think that you would have done it a lot better? But that is not the bloody point. It’s gone, it’s already gone. I know it’s hard to let go your past but the thing that can make you believe in it is the hope for a better future. I know that is an old say but still it’s true. And it works every time. Believe me it’s not about the end that matters nor the beginning. It is all about the road that you choose. It’s not that I’m not worried about the end of course I am. Everyone is. And it’s okay to be. Just fasten your seat belts because life is a "bumping ride". Experience yourself on a roller-coaster. And enjoy each and every moment.
This is me. Writing the stories that can never be mine. Deciding the happily ever after that can happen to exist only in my dreams.
I can’t keep on trying to make these stupid happy stories be my reality. Because they are not. Because they will never be.
The truth is not that good. The truth is not what I thought it would be. It is something else. Something far more different from my dreams. And dreams yeah, they are not my reality. People often say that I'm a liar. And maybe that is the truth. What is my lie?
My lie is that one day we are going to end up together. My lie is that one day all of my stories will start with your name in it. My lie is that I will have a "happily ever after".
Maybe it is a lie. But it’s not that bad. And it makes me believe in the possibility of us being together.
For me it's not a lie. It's the truth that keeps me alive. That keeps me motivated. That keeps me yours.
And if that is not the truth. Then what is?
It’s okay to let go of things that can never be yours. How many times can you force everything to be perfect when it is never going to be.
It's done then. It's time now
To put a full stop on each and every page because now it’s all done
Here is the funny thing...
I always knew what the end is going to be. But in my own crazy world I wanted to Let her know everything. Everything I hid from everyone else, everything I was afraid to tell anyone else. Maybe people will think I’m stupid. But I think it was necessary.
I think I am ready now. Ready to be a part of my present. Letting go off my past.
Because there is actually no part of me clinging for the future that we can ever have. In my own crazy way, I am happy, happy to let go.
Because when a door closes well you know the rest. And That Was The day I stopped loving her
The End
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